the hardware store gets all woozy and im teleported in a dark tower with wise craking imps

"what the?"

SirBryghtside:

I don't think you understand...

half way through eating candy realises he's now in some weird parody world which looks like a cross between Shadow of the Collosus and Morrowind.
Deciding to finish eating candy, bites own thumb as candy doesn't exist in this universe.

the imps soon geared me up in badass overlord armor and claim that im there master

"um...err..cool?"

they giggle and one named gnarl said i should do evil bidding

"i dont see what could possibly go wrong" grabs and axes and heads over to the broken space that used to be the mall

"Well that was easy," I say, after finishing level 20.

I look on the wall, and see a panel with a cake on.

"It's about time!" I say.

Then I look at where I'm headed.

"You will be baked. And then there will be cake."

I rapidly zap the wall next to me and the wall in front of me, jumping into the one next to me.

"HA! HA! BEATEN!" I shout.

"Please drop your weapon, lie on your stomach wait for the party to arrive."

"Fine," I say, following her orders.[1]

While nursing a now very sore thumb, a deep thumping sound reaches his ears, followed by a very loud crumbling sound.
Turning round, he notices the giant half masonry, half furry monster wielding a huge club.
After a brief moment of contemplation he turns on his heels and runs away as fast as his scrawny legs will carry him. only to bump into a bunch of Dunmer coming the other way with very large swords.

the distorted space showed sections of many diffront videos game

"dame , its gonna take a bit to conquer all these worlds"

imp " this one this one" it points towards a weird space colony filled with mutants and rampaging robots

"you gotta be kidding me...fine ill go conquer that one first"

After a day of lying on my stomach, I get bored, and look for a way out.

*causing mayhem with a RYNO V and a certain one eyed monkey when I see a space ship* ohhhh shiny O_O

bust in the space colony "all right minions, trash this place"

they go on with the smashing

"somthing about this place creeps me out..."

"uhhhh, would you believe me if I said that I was from Ald'Ruhn?'
He say backing away a little as the bonemold wearing, pointy faced evil red ring eyed elves.

Fortuitously the afore mentioned walking Fur building comes crashing down on the whole unsightly mob of them.

seeing his only opening, Guilt once agin shows his back to the world and proceeds to leg it, just not before picking up a neat pauldron for the look of the thing.

*sees a robotic butler* LAAAAAWWWWWRRREEENNNCE! "yes master?" I just always wanted to do that "very good master now shall I get my guitar?"

after the successful conquest of the system shock game (and destruction of everything that was in it)

"ok lets try a less creepy one"

imp " that one will work for master" points at a open valley with a giant monster walking around

"....you gotta be kidding me" walks towards it ready to cause some hell

*runs round having fun in Arkham Asylum* hur hur this is awesome!!
Wait, whats this? I see a distorded white square, and proceed to go up to it.
It seems, a portal created in the game to try and restore normality! I step through it, realising I have the power to change through games.

*flys to planet aquatos(rac nerd i know. aquatos=beach resort planet)with LAAAAAWWWWWRRREEENNNCE* ahh I need a vacation. LAAAAAWWWWWRRREEENNNCE play your guitar"shall i shred some heavy fucking metal sir?" of course!

entering the new game , i notice guilty with a giant fur ball with a club

looking over to my minions "you know what to do"

they ran towards them with blind bloodlust

I decide to go through one of the many choices and come out on Aquatos to see EMB on a sun lounger. "Hey look what I found!" I then see LAAAAAWWWWRRRREEEENNNCE. "Rock on, dude!"

after blinking and rubbing forehead Guilt decides that the best course of action is to scale the giant fur building. Unfortunately he doesn't possess Wanda's uncanny ability to grab slippery dog hair and only manages to get four feet of the ground before being flung into the sky team rocket style by a shaken hoof/foot thing.

I kill GLaDos.

"Wow, that was easy," I say, as I come up on real land.

But then I realise something, as I put my hand on my chest.

I'M A WOMAN!

watches as gulity gets flung into the air

"that wont end well for him"

the minions start zerging the giant furball, leaving nothing behind

"all right lets finished this place"

I open another portal in front of Sir. "Hey look I can get back to the real world! HOLY SHIT YOU GOT BEWBS!" After a long pause I say "so do you wanna get back to reality?"

"YEAAAARRRRRGGGGGG...yawn...ARGGGGGGGGG!"
with a bone snapping crunch, Guilt crashed down ontop of a stilt strider, more specificaly the handler whose bones we heard snapping.

"This is going to get old soon," slowly standing he realises all he has left is his pauldron. also left arms should not bend that way.
Looting the handlers body he finds a chitin dagger and a strange white powder

after turning a lush green valley full of giant clossi into pittsburgh, i head over to the space rift and see Cougar sticking his head into the portal

"go ahead and smash"

the minons giggle and attack at full speed

"SHIT SHIT SHIT!" I close the portal in time, the minions just not getting to me in time.

"No, actually - I quite like it here," I say to Cougar.

Then I remember something. Isn't Portal linked to the Half-Life universe?

"On second thoughts, I think I'll come with you," I say, as some zombies begin to come into view.

We step into the portal, and I pick Pokemon Diamond.

Oh by the way Sir, I can control what game, but not where they open. The portal opens in a random field, then encouter/battle music plays and we encounter...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_8uPSW__gk

Using the magical ability of resting, Guilts arm fixes itself.
Waking up to find himself in a barren waste land save for a strange town built out of giant shells, he heads for the biggest building.
Half an hour of gaming time later (about 30 seconds in real time) Guilt has become a retainer of house Redoran and is gifted with a set of armour.

"You know what, I could come to like this universe" he says, unwittingly tempting fate

the portal closes and the minions get sad

"dont worry there has to be another way to get to them"

looks around to find another portal

I shoot two portals at my chest, and the laser goes straight through one breast and out the other, blasting Dr. Octagonopus into Oblivion.

Then, I run to a pokemon center, and we are healed.

I turn to Sir, "Hey you know when we eventually get back to reality, what are you going to do about the whole...you know...gender, thing?"

23 game portals later

"WHERE ARE THEY!!!" while shaking both fist in the air

sits down and plots what to do next

"Hmmm... I think I'll actually stay the same. It's actually not that bad," I say, while absent-mindedly fondling my breasts.

"Oh crap! I'm detecting interference with the rupture portals! Someone is trying to find us!"
I run back out to the portal, temporarily locking it, but not for long.